


The Brink of Despair

by JustifiedIzayoi



Category: Mother 4
Genre: Conspiracy Theories, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:15:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16336928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustifiedIzayoi/pseuds/JustifiedIzayoi





	1. ACT I: Volatility

_ I was framed! _

_ The evidence proves otherwise. I’m sorry, Mr. Dreamcast. But we’re going to have to expel you. This type of behavior is unacceptable in our line of work. We can’t have you ruining our school’s reputation like this. _

_ But…! _

_ No buts. Leave us now. _

I was framed. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never bribed my teachers or set up riots. I never hacked into the school systems to change grades or anything. They’re all liars! But now…

All I can do is cry.

I lost the opportunity of a lifetime. To graduate from high school and college at 18 with both a diploma and a Bachelor’s Degree. To play on the center stage of baseball with my favorite team. All gone because some cuck didn’t want to take the blame. All because they wanted to see me fail. I was expelled, all the baseball recruiters withdrew their recommendations, no job will hire me.

Nothing.

I slapped my hands on my face and began to cry. It won’t do anything to help me but what else can I do. Nobody’s gonna believe me anymore. Silent weeps turned into loud wails and the sounds of my banging fists echoed throughout my house. I just wanted to die. Nothing went right for me and nothing ever will. Every time I would overdose on sleeping pills, I always ended up coughing them out with blood. Whenever I wanted to plummet to the earth from a high vantage, someone’s always there to stop me. No matter how hard I tried, I can’t away from this. I can’t…

“Travis?”

I looked over to my left and saw an empty bed. It was meant for my adopted brother Leif, but he’s disappeared on us a while back. Every so often, he would hit me up on Discord, but that was the extent of our relationship. I was so used to hearing his voice, so used to him comforting me whenever I was feeling down. Maybe I’ve gone off the deep end.

My door slowly opened, and Zack popped his head in. He had a worried look and was all dressed up. I sat up and gave him my full attention.

“I gotta go now. Chase said he was going to do something with his soccer team. Sorry, but you’ll have to be alone today.”

I sighed and nodded.

“And uhhh, please don’t cut your arms again.”

“No promises.”

“Travis…”

Zack shook his head and waved me goodbye. I got out of bed and checked my phone. Two new notifications on Discord. One from Leif; the other was an @everyone on the official Mother 4 server. Ignoring the mass ping, I checked what my brother was up to.

**Good morning little brother.**

Little by merely a month and seven days.

_ Doesn’t seem that good. _

**I guess it can’t be helped. Well I came up empty handed as usual. They’re good at hiding their tracks you know.**

_ Dude just stop. _

Silence. A silence I don’t like. I’ve said something wrong.

_ Wait. Forget I said that. _

**I’m sorry…**

_ No nono shhhh _

Please don’t give up.

I should be sorry…

Please don’t cry.

No further responses. Damn it. Another notification, this time from Floyd.

**I’m coming over today.**

_ Why? _

**Because I fucking said so.**

No point in arguing.

It was raining outside. Usually when it’s like this, I put on Beneath the Mask from Persona 5, make myself some coffee and sit near the window subconsciously betting on which raindrop would reach the bottom first. It’s almost routine at this point; Belring did receive the most rain on average. What’s really strange is that this statistical fact only became true after I was expelled. I don’t believe in a higher power, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I saw the razor on the countertop, stained with dry blood from last night. I dabbed some toothpaste onto the brush, wet it slightly, and began brushing. I studied myself in the mirror. White tank top, black plaid boxers. There were a few cuts on my forearm, but it’s all dried up now. Same messy brown hair, as usual. I really let myself go.

I spit out the liquefied toothpaste and rinsed out my mouth. I cupped my hands and splashed water on my face, taking one last look at the failure staring back at me before shutting off the faucet. I then headed downstairs into the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine, pouring cream and sugar into the top. Same old routine every day.

It wasn’t raining hard; it wasn’t drizzling either. Hard enough to be audibly heard anywhere in the house, but soft enough to soothe your stress. Sometimes when your life is just unbelievably shit, you just need to take a minute and listen to the quiet taps of rain. The rain has always kept me company. Hearing the raindrops plonk on the roof and on the ground outside always gives me the feeling that I’m not alone in this. Even so…why do I cut myself? Why did I try to commit suicide? Why?

My brothers always called me contradicting, sometimes even remarkable. Pessimistic bastard, yet optimistic in some ways. The cup is half full, half empty.

The sound of rain went from individual drops to a smooth flow of water, kinda like a quiet stream. My coffee was done; my mug directly underneath as it dispensed the beverage. I took a seat at the kitchen table and gazed outside the window. Most days are moody, with clouds hanging over the entire area of Pleiades, unrelenting rain and snow alike. A phenomenon unable to be explained, even by weather experts. Regardless if I’m able to see the sun or not, Belring was a nice quiet suburban town, a place I can let my worries go.

After being expelled from the Onett University, my parents talked it over with me and my brother Zack. We moved up to Belring into the two-story house I’m in now and have been for the pass four years. We’ve recently adopted Leif, who was a friend of mine from back in elementary school; he was placed into our care by the court after his father got arrested and his mother disappeared on him. He only left just recently after I told him about my predicament in Onett, the only reason he gave was to prove my innocence. He still keeps in touch with all of us, but sometimes I worry about him.

Our parents have bought an apartment at Union City, since traveling from here to there was an inconvenience, even though we had a rail system connecting all the Pleiadean cities. They worked for the government; my mom was the lead secretary for the Department of Education while my dad was the head of the space program. When they came back home one night, I asked then why they did it like that and the response they gave me was “Because your brother’s the man of the house.”

Zackary Dreamcast, 20 years old. He’s been taking care of me and Chase ever since we’ve moved here. Football has been postponed until January; it’s August now. By day, he’s an accountant working under an entrepreneur. By night, he’s training for boxing matches. He’s always home on the weekends, like Chase.

Chase Dreamcast, 18 years old, started attending college in Pennyburg thanks to a soccer scholarship he got just the year prior. He usually lives on campus but came home for the summer intermission (basically summer vacation, I don’t know why they didn’t call it a vacation). He’s at a soccer meet for the big Solstice Tournament which was overdue by two months.

And then there’s me, Travis Dreamcast. 16 year old failure, living in a house with no bright future ahead of him. Even though I study stuff on my own, it’s not like it’s gonna help. Everyone’s shut me out, from the homeless to the corporate businesses. I can’t even leave the house without a paper bag on my head. I just hope my life turns around at some point.

Someone knocked on the door just as I had finished my coffee. Not bothering to look presentable, I went over and opened the door. It was Floyd. He was dressed in a plain maroon polo and some khaki shorts. His blonde hair parted to the right and his teeth looked as white as it always did. He let himself in, slipping off his shoes and setting himself down on the couch. I closed the door behind me and went to meet him.

“Travis, you’ve really let yourself go. Now you don’t even wear pants. What happened to that revolution where you’re gonna make everyone wear pants instead of shorts.”

I sighed. As jokingly as the statement may seem, Floyd was worried. It was riddled in his voice. He’s always had trouble hiding his emotions. Sometimes it gets the better of him. I can only be blamed for that.

“Travis are you still upset?” He asked in a more serious manner. “You need to stop clinging onto the past.”

“The past ruined my life, Floyd.”

“Yeah, but there’s always the future!” He tried to sound happy. “You just have to believe.”

“Don’t give me that cliché shit.”

His face fell. He rested his hand on my shoulder, looking down at the ground. He looked like he was about to cry, but thankfully he managed to hold back the tears. I know what I said was harsh, and the last thing I needed was more problems in my life.

“Floyd, I…”

“No, it’s okay. I’m here for you, remember?”

I nodded.

Floyd turned on the TV. It’s gonna all be about everything that has nothing to do with me. Nope, they might decide to report on how the president eats his pizza with a fork, or some cute little puppy was abandoned. Nope, don’t care that you just ruined a kid’s life. I hoped Leif would return soon with some useful information. He’s my only hope. My parents are doing everything they can as government workers. But Leif was something else.

_ Now the latest on the outbreak at Onett University. Police have gathered evidence overnight, including a secrete cutout with a group of students and an unknown end. The conversation revealed that the entire incident was orchestrated by the anonymous receiver; police are looking to tracking down the group. In any case, a total of 15 arrests were made this morning and more are to be expected. Their punishment remains unclear, but it is certain that they'll be expelled from the institution. As of right now, a total of 7 students remain missing. We don't have the authority to reveal their names or faces on this program, but all we could tell you is that the police are hard at work to reunite these kids with their families. We now go to our reporter Leon, who is live on the scene. _

_ Thank you, Nancy. As you can see, the police are hard at work. They've already made several arrests based on the evidence left behind and are questioning several more students on campus. However, we've yet to see any progress made on the missing children. We have a victim of one of the assaults here with us, Pokey Minch. Now Pokey, care to share your experience with the incident? _

_ Yes, I would. I was attacked. Almost killed by some lunatic with a hook for a hand. It's a good thing my friends stepped in when they did. Or else, I've could've been killed. He was ginger and has plastic limbs. Please bring this troublemaker to justice. _

_ Thank you Pokey. Bear in mind that Onett University will be closed until further notice. Now back to you. _

“Well looks like something happened.” Floyd commented. “What’s your take on it?”

“Hey, wait a minute. I recognize flat cuck from miles away!”

Floyd stared at me in disbelief.

“Pokey Minch? I remember you talking about him at one point. That’s…him?” Floyd was obviously in disbelief.

“Not what you expected?” I asked.

“Snotty rich kids aren’t overweight and ugly, contrary to popular belief. Most of us look respectable and maintain a healthy lifestyle.” He stuck his nose in the air. “And we don’t drive everywhere in golf carts either.”

“Maybe you don’t but…”

My phone vibrated in my pocket. Another message from Leif. I opened Discord up.

**Are you okay? Travis?**

_ Leif I uhh _

I paused. My goal was to apologize to him, but it’s not easy especially after you’ve hurt his feelings. I need to be more careful about what I say to him.

**It’s okay Travis. I should be sorry.**

_ That’s not the case _

**Maybe I care about you too much for your own good. I just wanted to help. Please understand.**

_ No, it’s all good! Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s okay I promise. _

**Are you sure?**

_ Leif, do what you need to do. _

No further responses. Floyd gave me the same worried look he always did, only to attempt to cover it up with a fake smile. A smile where your lips curve upwards, not showing teeth, not scrunching your eyes. I can’t be mad at him though; at least he was trying his hardest.

“If Pokey Minch is everything you say he is, then I have a feeling he’s involved in all of this. Putting on the façade of the victim in order to get publicity or to divert attention away from himself as a possible suspect.”

“You know more about this than I do.” I admitted.

“Well, you’re the closest to Leif aren’t you? He should have taught you some of these things. By the way, do you have a computer or a laptop of sorts?”

Letting out sighs of distress, I worked up the energy to stand up from my comfortable couch lead Floyd up the stairs and into my room. He took a seat at the three monitor desktop computer that Leif had set up near the window. I had no interest in what he was doing, so being the lazy cunt I am, I crashed onto my bed and sprawled my limbs out to absorb the cool temperature of the bedsheets beneath me. There wasn’t much I could do at this point except think about life.

_ Where…where did I go wrong? _

I think I was in class. That’s right, Mr. Windrop’s class. We were doing a lesson on World War I. That’s when I got sent for by the school principal. Someone came, I don’t remember their face. But they gave me a handwritten note on a sticky note, saying to report to the Fast Track program’s main office immediately. And so I did. The urgency in the words written down on a piece of paper. The irony of this is that it didn’t come from the main office itself. Zack tipped off someone, handed them a five, and boom; the message got delivered.

I rushed across campus and met my parents and sibling (Chase wasn’t around at this time). We hurried up to the main office, and their faces dropped in surprise was I walked in through the door. I guess they weren’t planning to tell me the crimes I’ve been charged with, instead leaving it to my parents to break the news to me. It’s a good thing that Zack stepped in when he did.

I was charged with an assortment of crimes, from bribing my teachers to cheating on state issued tests. The real question was why they waited until this long to say something. Next thing I knew, in came Pokey Minch, shooting mean looks at me while I hovered my twitching hand over the pen sticking out my pocket.

“Pokey Minch. Since Mr. Dreamcast has failed to demonstrate the reasons why he deserves to be here, we’re forfeiting his spot and giving it to you.” The principal was saying.

Nani?!

“What a scum move.” I remembered my brother saying. “Now you gotta rub it in our faces huh? Come here you!”

Zack struggled to charge at the principal with our parents holding him back. The principal looked horrified while all Pokey did was make insulting gestures. He spit on me, his disgusting saliva staining my jeans. Somehow the pen wound up stabbing Pokey in the stomach. I know I did it, but it didn’t feel real. It definitely was and I don’t regret doing it, I low key wished that I would’ve finished the fucker off, or that the pen had been a knife.

_ One day Travis. One day. _

I came back to reality. Floyd was patting my leg and waving his hand in front of my face. I blinked a few times and shook my head, rising to sit up.

“My father called. I have to go. Sorry Travis.”

“No Floyd, stay!” I begged whilst grabbing his arm. “Please…”

“It’s something important. I’ll be back as soon as possible, I promise.”

My friend slowly undid the grip I had on his arm. I saw guilt written over his face mixed with the worry in his eyes. He walked slowly, only looking back at me once more before leaving the house. Once again, I was alone. The rain was relentless, transitioning from a smooth stream to violent crashing that echoed through my ears.

I looked at my phone. Leif was offline on Discord, along with my other friends. I just set the phone on my nightstand and stared at the ceiling. Floyd’s abandoned me, and nobody wants to talk to me. What to do? I guess all I could do is lay here.

I can feel the depression creeping up on me. It shook every centimeter of my being; the whims of darkness caressing my body. And for what? All because I’m alone. There’s nobody to talk to. They’re all just ignoring me. They just don’t wanna put up with me. So they all left. Maybe it wasn’t an important family thing with Floyd, maybe he just needed an excuse to leave.

I got up and went to the bathroom. The stained razor was still on the countertop. I turned on the faucet and rinsed off the dried blood. As I readied the razor to my skin, I wondered why I was doing this. Why do I keep tearing my skin like it was paper? What do I have to gain from this? Maybe the small escape from emotional pain with physical pain, diverting the focus from lamenting about everything to the blood leaking out of my body? I don’t know. All I know was that it felt  _ good. _

I punctured the razor through my skin near my elbow. Slowly but surely, I dragged the razor across my arm, bearing with the pain of my skin tearing before my eyes out of my own actions. The razor tore across my arm, and I did it again two more times. It wasn’t until I’d finished my third cut that the blood started leaking out. Unlike the rain, it dripped slowly. At first, it could’ve passed as a careless paper cut, but soon the blood started to envelop bigger and bigger portions of my arm. Covering my self-inflicted wounds, I hurried downstairs and into the kitchen, ripped off a piece of a napkin and wiped the leaking blood. I ripped another one and covered my wounds, too hasty to find myself a bandage. With my back pressed against the wall, I slowly slid down and silently wept.

_ Why am I doing this to myself? _

“See, that’s your problem, Travis.”

With tears still leaking out of my eyes, I uncovered my face. It was Zack.

“You don’t know how to follow instructions. I told you not to cut yourself.”

“I’m sorry!” I cried, but my words didn’t reach him. He took out a razor and rolled up his sleeve. He punctured the razor deeper than I had ever done. In one slow and grueling motion, he dragged it from his wrist all the way up to the elbow joint. I grimaced and shut my eyes, not having the heart to see someone else do it, especially my own brother.

“You enjoy the pain, that’s why. You enjoy it when you tear away at your flesh, bleeding out and hoping for a quick and easy death.”

I mustered up the courage to look. Zack had removed his jacket and shirt, now cutting the skin across his entire torso area, slowly and painfully. Despite this, there was not one hint of pain, guilt, or sorrow on his face. He teared away at his flesh with a blank expression.

“Is this how you cope with your failure? Cutting your skin and bleeding out? You’re so pathetic…”

“Stop it!” I ordered.

I balled up, hugging my knees and sobbing into them. Why am I like this? I can never be happy. I’m a failure, one who bribed his teachers and cheated on his tests. One exiled from literally every service available to him. One that had a bright future in front of him, all denied because someone wanted it more and was willing to do more. Someone who was willing to ruin his life for it.

I just wanted to cry.

Cry my woes away.

Cry and cry and cry and cry.

And when I stop, hopefully this was all a crude dream. Then I can laugh, knowing it never happened. That I’m just…just…

There was no saving me from this mess.

I did this to myself. I was the one who did all those dishonest deeds, according to them. I’m worthless in the eyes of everyone. And I can’t fix that. I can’t fix anything. I’m just a burden. I’m just…

“Travis!”

I looked up. The demonic apparition of Zack was gone. It was replaced by Leif. He extended out a hand to pat me on the head. It felt so real. His hand caressing my messy hair. Leif fell to his knees. His brown eyes were now a ghastly white, but they looked worried all the same. His hands grasped shoulders. I could feel their weight.

“Travis…please don’t beat yourself up…”

“Leif, I…”

“Travis, you’ve done so much for me these past couple of years. I’m thankful. Thankful that you exist. But…”

“But what?”

“I don’t want you to die…please stop cutting yourself. Please stop being sad, please!”

I didn’t know what to say. Leif was a figment of my imagination, but it felt so real.

“Travis, I don’t wanna lose you. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of the stupid shit I do. I don’t want you to go too. Travis please…”

I reached out to caress Leif’s face, but the apparition disappeared before I could do so. I immediately felt guilty. It was just an illusion, but I couldn’t bear to think what the real one would say. I didn’t want to think about it. His fragile heart would just shatter. And now, he’s the one crying and I’m the one comforting him.

I should stop.

_ I’m sorry Leif. I’m sorry Zack. _

What am I supposed to do anymore? Cry? Cry and cry? Crying gets me nowhere. No matter how much I try to dry my eyes out, nothing will change.

.

.

.

_=+zzZZISSss+=_

.

.

.

“Travis? Are you okay?”

I hadn’t realized that I passed out on the ground. I shook my head and looked up.

“Leif?”

“I got worried, so I decided to come back home. I did find something important, but…” He took a good look at me, focusing on the napkin that was wrapped around my arm. It was no longer soaked in blood, and the red mark that covered it was now brown. I lifted off my arm and saw a small scab spanning the length of my three cuts. Leif covered his mouth.

“Travis why?” He asked. “You know how Zack is when you cut.”

I quickly covered up my latest wounds and turned away from my brother. In response, he gently tugged my shoulder. Using his free hand, he lifted my head up and caressed my cheek awkwardly. I hated to admit it, but every time he does that it...it makes me feel at ease. He always said that body gestures and the human touch had a more meaningful impact than words.

If under positive intentions…

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get home earlier. I could’ve stopped you from... I could’ve prevented this…”

He took a seat next to me on the ground, then lifted up my arm and wrapped it around him, pulling himself closer to me as he wrapped his arms around me. The room was filled with silence, leaving only the sound of the rain outside. With every moment, I felt his embrace grow tighter; subtle enough not to break me in two, but forceful enough to signify that he wasn’t letting go.

“Travis. Meryl told me to give this to you…” Leif pulled out a cassette tape from his pocket and placed it in my lap, never loosening his grip.

Who used cassette tapes anymore? Leif was adamant that we did to avoid any lazy investigator from going through our stuff. There was still an old fashioned cassette player stashed away on the nightstand. He wouldn’t let go of me. The best I could do is wait for him to drift off to sleep or decide that something is more important than squeezing me.

_ Meryl… _

That name drove a knife through my chest and punctured my heart. My throat felt itchy on the inside. Leif probably couldn’t tell (or could and didn’t want to acknowledge it), but I was trembling.

After Meryl heard the news about my crimes and expulsion, she was shocked. And she believed every word of it. She was so sickened with my “behavior” that she broke up with me. I remember that day. It fills me with dread.

“Travis, how could you…?”

“I didn’t do it, I swear!” I pleaded. “You gotta believe me.”

“No Travis, that’s it. We’re through. I cannot keep going out with a lowlife like you. There’s nothing you can say, because everything else says otherwise.”

“Meryl! Meryl...please don’t do this. I need you.”

“No! You only want my body. That’s what all men like you want; to use girls like me to sate your lust. I won’t hear any of it!”

“But we’ve never…”

She slapped me across the face. The ring on her finger cut my cheek, leaving a scar. That when she said it.

“I HATE YOU!”

Those three words rang in my ears, the words that drove a knife through my heart. I hated that word, “hate”. It ruins every long lasting relationship, drives people to become serial killers, and others to curse themselves because they couldn’t have fixed it where it went wrong. I wanted to prove that I was right, that everything I was accused of was a lie.

_ So foolish! _

I was so foolish in everything I did. I don’t know why Leif was even here. Why was Leif clinging onto me like his life depended on it? Why was Leif even wasting his precious time trying to help me? I can’t be helped. I’m going insane. I’m just a pathetic piece of shit that nobody likes. Most of my friends left me, and now all I have is the blonde rich kid and some kid we adopted. Fucking worthless, man.

“Travis don’t say that about yourself.”

My eyes met Leif’s. They were brown, which told me that he’s the real thing and riddled with worry like I thought he would be. Unlike Floyd, he didn’t try to hide it. He made me fully aware that he was worried, almost to the point where tears started to well up in my eyes. For someone who’s older than me, he sure was a crybaby. And not only that, he seemed to understand what I was thinking even when I tried to hide it with a smile never said anything about it.

“Travis please be happy. It’s all gonna be okay.”

I wish it was true. I wish everything Leif said was true. But in the end, he’s just here to keep me happy. I don’t know how much more I can take. I wanted to end it all right now but…

“Travis…?”

Leif’s little heart would shatter to pieces.

“I’m fine Leif.”

“Liar. No you’re not.”

He could see right through me.

I nudged on him and held up the cassette tape. He finally released his iron grip, and I was free to get up and listen to what was on the tape. Leif followed me to our room, where he then hopped onto the computer as I pulled out the old cassette player. I popped the tape in where it needed to be and hit the play button. The speaker spit out a cracking sound, and then the contents on the tape were played.

_ Travis, it’s me Meryl. I know it’s been five years but I just needed to get this off my chest. Listen, after reflecting on what happened that day, I’m just… _

I could hear her crying.

_ I’m sorry Travis… I just can’t believe that you did all those horrible things. No way that you did it! I’m so sorry. I wanna help you fix it. Please forgive me. I was so foolish. So foolish to believe all of it. I’m sorry Travis… _

_ I need you more than ever. _

I heard a door slam open. Meryl’s cries of regret turned into screams of terror. I can hear a whip cracking, presumably she was defending herself. Next thing I heard was her being hit with a solid object. It made quite a noise, so she was probably struck on the head.

“She didn’t tell you to give this to me, now did she?”

Leif took his eyes of the computer screen and shook his head in regret. “I was hoping to ask for her help on this but… I went and saw her house ransacked. Everything was destroyed. Nothing was left except that tape.”

For all I know, Meryl could be lying. She only needs me to save her, then it’s back to her hating me. Women were like that sometimes. You would think it’s only men who would do that kind of thing. Nope, women were more sinful, if not just as sinful, as we were.

“At least look into it Travis. Please?”

“And what are you gonna do?”

“I’ll be here to help anyway I can…”

I have nothing to lose. I won’t say it to Leif, but I still miss Meryl. We had a good lasting relationship, even if it was for a month or two. I promised her that we’d get married when we got older, and now I’m wondering whether that promise still held true. I grabbed the green flannel that laid messily on the ground and slipped my arms through the sleeves. I was about to walk out the door when Leif stopped me.

“Pants too.”

Good thing he caught me, I don’t know what people would think if they saw some kid walking around in the rain in his boxers. I opened the bottom right draw, which revealed more of my underwear. Shutting it quickly, I opened up the one next to it and pulled out a pair of denim jeans. I slipped them on and wrapped my belt around my waist.

“Glasses.” Leif ordered.

On top of the dresser was a pair of glasses. I picked them up and peered through the lens. It didn’t magnify nor hinder my eyesight, instead being created more so for appearances. I put them on my face and rolled up my left sleeve. Leif handed me my watch, and I put it on, the display showcasing the time and my heart rate. Taking one last look at my appearance, he gave me a thumbs up.

I could only hope this ends well for me…


	2. Deception

_ Rain. _

_ Rain. _

_ And more rain. _

Instead of it beating down on the ceiling of my home, it’s pouring on me. The noise of steady streams still remained, complimented by the footsteps I made on the soggy concrete. Occasionally, there was a puddle that would soak the bottom of my jeans and my sneakers. However that was the least of my worries. I just wanted to see whatever there was to see about Meryl. On her tape, she was possibly kidnapped. Or it could’ve been a staged stunt. Either way, Leif wanted me to go find out on my own.

I kept my head down as I stride towards the train station. The goal was to head to La Folia without attracting too much attention to myself. Cars would rush by me every so often, splashing water onto any sidewalk pedestrian. Many shops were still functioning, although with dim lighting and less on outside flare. It was probably to match the moody atmosphere of the outside world. The rain was relentless and has been for five years. Belring might be the rainiest place in all of Pleiades, hell maybe the entire country of Eagleland. But out of all the states in this godforsaken country, the storm clouds lingered all over. It was only a rare occurrence that we’d be able to see sunlight. What’s really strange was that it’s only like then when I moved up here.

Coincidence? Probably not.

Futility kicking the rain off the ground as I walked, I never took the time to observe Belring for its fullest. There wasn’t much to take note of except people. I peered inside the coffee shops. Father and son laughing away at something, enjoying life together. A relationship I wished I had for my father, but ever since we’ve moved here we’ve been distant. Every time I tried to call him, it just directs me to his answering machine. And he never calls back. Leif said the relation between him and his father consisted of abuse, and lots of it. It’s the reason why he’s with our family now.

Continuing down the road, a kid rushed by me. He was wearing a yellow raincoat. I had my goal in mind, but I was curious nonetheless. I stopped and turned around, hands in my pocket. I tailed the kid as he ran into an alley. He stopped at a box, where a scruffy woman peered out. She rubbed the boy on the head and they both embraced. She looked weak, dying from hunger. They were possibly homeless. I could never wrap my head around not having a roof over your head or somewhere to return to. I guess I should be fortunate with that.

I continued on my way, finally up the stairs of the train station that connected this state together. While waiting for the train, to my right was a couple arguing, just like me and Meryl did all those years back. More people chatting underneath the station shelter, but nothing interesting to note. On the other side of the station was four girls, gossiping away at whatever stuck on their tongues. More people chatting underneath the station shelter, but nothing interesting to note. I was jealous. I wish I could do that with my brothers, but we’re always busy doing something. Zack had to take care of us, and make sure the bills are paid. Chase had to get through college and practice soccer. Leif was absent from the house most of the time for whatever reason he gave. That left me alone to lament on everything that I could’ve been.

The thought of it makes me want to cry.

Everyone was so lucky.

Some more than others.

I wish I could change all this sadness. I wish I could fix it all, but how can a lowlife like me possibly do that. If I did then…

My phone rang. It was Leif. I took the phone out of my pocket and answered.

“Are you okay Travis?” He said over the phone.

“I’m fine.”

“Not according to your brain you’re not. Look I’m not gonna explain it but...you’re sad aren’t you?”

There was no point in hiding it, but I gave no response.

“Travis, it’s going to be okay.”

I couldn’t take this anymore. These false promises. I was going to snap.

“Travis…?”

“It’s not gonna be okay. It’s never going to be fucking okay!” I yelled through the phone. “Don’t you get that? Hell this might be some prank that you set up with Meryl. I won’t have it. I’m not going to be lied to again. Stop lying to me Leif!”

Silence. Absolute silence.

Then weeping.

Then sobbing.

Then finally crying.

_ Damn it Travis. _

The phone abruptly hung up. Again, a whole wave of guilt washed over me. I couldn’t keep doing this to him. The internecine relationship I had with him spiraled the both of us deeper down into an endless delirium of despair.

I pushed my glasses up to the bridge of my nose and observed my surroundings again. Everyone was staring at me. The gossiping girls, the arguing couple, everyone. I immediately shoved my hands into my pocket and looked down. I could hear their snickering; they’ve probably found out who I am. Before I could make more of a fool of myself, the train finally arrived. The screeching of brakes, the releasing of steam, and a little two-tone jingle that plays when the train door opens. People filed out the doors, more than I liked. Businessmen hurrying into the shelter, kids laughing, mothers opening up umbrellas. I kept my head down and boarded the train at the first opportunity I got. I took a seat next to a window, watching the raindrops sliding down the window. There was nothing else to observe. Nothing else I was interested in anyways. The train made that two-tone jingle again, indicating that the train was ready to go.

The train rushed through Belring, and out to the surrounding nature. Gloomy, plants were blooming, a little too much to where people would call them weeds. Yeah, I’d see birds fly about, but otherwise, typical wildlife was gone. Nothing. Just rain. The calm rocking of the train and the soothing silence of the car was just begging me to sleep. I didn’t struggle. I let it take me.

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_=+zzZZISSss+=_

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The two-tone jingle.

I stirred awake. Shaking my head and blinking several times, I made my way out of the train. But La Folia wasn’t what it used to be. It looks like something incredibly different, something that seemed too futuristic to be true.

It was dark. Nighttime dark. Storm clouds still lingered, only to be lit up my lighting coursing through the sky. Beams of light shot down and struck the surrounding area. I took cover behind the railing and observed what had crashed down. The entity that emerged from the light was oddly humanoid, however instead its head was replaced with a security camera. From the lens emitted a baby blue light that highlighted the ground in front of it. In the distance, I saw another humanoid being, however this time dressed in a suit. Instead of a camera though, it’s head seemed like a radiating ball of energy, like a planet. Unlike the camera head humanoids who wandered around aimlessly, this planet head being had a mind of its own. The area around it was lit up, completed with an extended light beam in front.

I had no idea what was going on, however these humanoid entities looked dangerous.

“Find him!”

I heard a voice. It wasn’t in my head. It sounded like it was broadcasted through speakers. It echoed throughout the once nature filled city.

“It’s all his fault. He’s responsible.”

It sounded like Leif.

_ Leif… _

“Find him. Kill him. He needs to be punished.”

Surely this was a dream. Leif would never say anything like that. But it felt so real. I just needed to make my way to Meryl’s house. I needed to find out what happened. But how though? Do I need to sneak around? It’s a dream, right? Maybe I have nothing to lose. I took a deep breath and rushed out. Immediately one of the camera humanoids caught sight of me, turning the baby blue light into a harsh scarlet. Sounds of alarms and aggression followed. Immediately I felt my insides melting. The unbearable pain of being burned alive. The effects only multiplied once more spotted me. As much I wanted to push on, I couldn’t stand the pain. It’s like I’m on fire. Slowly I felt my consciousness melt away from my body. I lost control of my limbs. All I could do was scream. The pain was real.

Am I to die?

Am I going to die?

I collapsed on the ground. All I could do now is scream while the camera head humanoids peered at my rotting corpse.

“Suffer Travis. Suffer me now.”

I was definitely suffering.

Soon, the pain began to subside as I saw my vision going blurry. The darkness compassed me. Then I felt nothing.

Nothing except the hint of guilt.

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_=+zzZZISSss+=_

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I stirred awake. I had passed out on the middle of the road, clothes were drenched on my left side. I quickly sprang to my feet and noticed a crowd gathered around me, hindering the progress of traffic. I pushed my glasses to the bridge of my nose and pushed my way through the crowd, avoiding the eye contact with all the innocent bystanders. This could’ve turned out worse. They could’ve found out who I am and ran me over on purpose.

The sight of La Folia was back to normal. The sky darkened with storm clouds, however the more soothing grey rather than a darker variant. Lighting was absent, and no beams of light was shooting down anytime soon. At least the residents looked more human. No camera heads, just the same faces that despise my existence. Flowers were wilting due to the excessive rain, and weeds sprung up through the cracks of the sidewalk.

Unlike Belring however, more people were out and about, trying to shield their prized plants from the rain. Others were hurrying back and forth with bags filled with groceries and gardening materials. There was an unusual amount of traffic; normally it would be slandered in this town, since the exhaust from vehicles would damage or even kill the wildlife and vegetation. But at this point, rain was doing more the killing than anything else.

What’s the problem honestly? It’s just water.

I continued onward towards. Every ticking second had me grow more frenzied, and soon the walking pace I was at now become faster and faster. Soon it broke out into a jog, then straight out running. Running to what? Running from what? I don’t even know, but I persisted. Feet splashing in the flooded sidewalk, soaking my jeans more than what they had been. Arms pumping, desperately gasping for air. Strangers eyed me as I went, and I heard murmuring until I was out of earshot. I finally stopped in front of the ruins of Meryl’s house. No crime scene, no police. The house looked abandoned, ransacked by thieves. Various things littered the ground and windows were smashed, despite some being on the second floor; maybe they were just upset and wanted to break more things.

I slowly crept inside and saw the house in shambles. A pile of books was in the center of the living room, recently burnt. The flat screen TV was off its hinges and face down on the floor. Couches were ripped apart.

That was of little concern to me. I was here to find out what happened to Meryl.

I went upstairs and into Meryl’s room. Unlike the rest of the house, it looked like what it usually did. All except for the cassette player on the ground. Next to it was another tape. Hoping that it might have a clue to Meryl’s whereabouts, I inserted the tape into the player and pressed the play button.

Ode to Joy blared out of its speakers. The song rang through my ears like hornets stinging every fiber of my flesh.

“You haven’t changed much, now have you Travis?” a female voice asked. Before I turned around, a needle was plunged through my neck, inserting a substance into my veins that made my limbs go limp. I couldn’t move.

“Same old, same old, gullible Travis. Everyone’s gonna have a good time tonight.”

The female stepped into my line of sight. My eyes widened when I saw who it was, and that itchy feeling in my throat ignited itself again.

“Meryl?”

“Can’t believe you fell for that. You’d really think I would come back to you? A failure? Geez man, you are pathetic.”

I remained silent.

“Oh? And you cut yourself too? Wow, you really are hopeless. Welp that makes things easier for me.”

_ Easier for her? _

Two bandits came into the room and hoisted me up by the arms. They proceeded to drag me down the stairs and outside to the front yard, where a large audience has gathered. Meryl exited the house a few moments after, and the crowd went wild. She walked out in front of me, raising her hands to quiet them down. Near the center of the group, people cleared a path and out came a familiar face.

“Good job Meryl. Now let’s see what we have here.”

Meryl stepped aside. “Ah, so it is you. Hehehe, perfect. Remember who I am?”

“Porky Minch.” I spat at the ground near him.

“That’s right loser! Oh yeah, you just got pranked baby! Bet you didn’t see that one coming! And now, I think it’s time for your girlfriend’s initiation.”

“Initiation?”

Someone brandished a knife and handed it to Porky. He closed in on my face and reopened the scar left behind my Meryl’s ring five years earlier. Blood trickled down my face, but the pain was nothing new. The sensation of the cold metal tearing away at my skin was appealing; I’ve done it so many times that I’m used to the pain. Maybe this is what Meryl meant by “easier for her”.

The round boy handed the knife to Meryl before turning to face the crowd. “Welcome the newest member to the Pigmask Army: Meryl Hinton!”

The crowd cheered in glee. Everyone was singing and dancing, some had showered wine on the group. Everyone was happy. Except me. I was the one suffering. They all find enjoyment in my suffering. Some even made fun of me. They pointed at me, reminding me of the things I failed at, the life I failed to achieve. Laughter and laughter. It hurt my ears. Their joy fueled my contempt for them. Had I’d been able to move, I would hurt them. Instead, all I could do is yell.

“Stop it!”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Porky halted the celebrations. “She needs to do her initiation first. Meryl’s initiation is to… kill Travis Dreamcast.” He went on to join the crowd at the front.

Meryl had a smirk on her face. She took the knife and rubbed it against my undamaged cheek.

“Oh I wanna gouge out those pathetic greens eyes you have. I was such an idiot to be captivated by them. Also Travis, do me a favor and scream. Scream at the top of your lungs as I kill you. I want to hear the sweet sensation of your agony.”

I wasn’t about to give her what she wanted.

She raised the knife high in the air, and the crowd cheered her on. “Kill him! Kill him!”

Pointing the knife in a stabbing motion, she swung. I was ready to meet my fate at her hands.

_ BANG! _

Gunshot. One that would ring for miles. I heard the knife break in half and a grunt from Meryl, who’d received a flesh wound. I heard the gun cock itself, then another shot was fired. It went straight through Porky. Instead of falling down and leaking blood, it had a seizure, electricity coursing around him before finally self-destructing, killing some and harming others with debris. The audience members went screaming and scattering off into various directions. This entire sight brought music to my ears. The suffering of those who wronged me, who made fun of me. Meryl moved in to finish the job she was assigned.

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Out from the shadows came Leif. He was wearing a crimson poncho whilst aiming a polished revolver at Meryl. He pulled back the hammer and stared Meryl in the eyes. Silence filled the air, apart from the rain battering the roads. As my senses came back to me, I struggled to sit up.

“I’m just here to complete a job.” she stated.

“As am I.” Leif responded.

They stared at each other for another minute. Meryl pointed the broken knife at my brother as they strafed slowly around me. They never broke eye contact, the burning passion of murder was in Meryl’s eyes, and the dark cloak of guilt in Leif’s.

“If you go, I’m willing to look the other way.” Leif proposed.

Meryl backed away slowly. “This isn’t over…”

As Meryl vanished into the night, Leif holstered the gun and kneeled down in front of me.  

“Are you okay Travis?” he asked.

“You should’ve let me die.” I stated coldly. “I deserve it. I deserve it a lot.”

“Don’t say that…”

“You of all people should know how much I savor the sweet release of death.”

“And you of all people should know how much I need you in my life…”

“Don’t give me that-”

I was interrupted by his tight embrace. His hand stroked the back of my head. The other one moved to make me return it.

“Don’t be sad. Everything is gonna be okay.”

He was trying to hold back tears and seemed to be successful at doing so. I let go of him, and he complied. He still held on to one of my arms and continued having it wrapped around him. The extent of his devotion to me, even so coming out to protect me from certain death. No matter how cold or distant I am with him, he always comes through for me whenever I need him to. Part of me regrets being mean to him. He’s had a hard life, and there’s no reason for me to destroy his spirit even more. He’s always happy to see me. He’s always happy to help me. I wish I could do something for him in return.

On the other hand, I was deceived by Meryl, and I know for a fact that she hates me. But what really gets under my skin is why she went through all the trouble of drawing me out just to kill me. She could’ve just went in and killed me while I was at home, especially since Leif is never around anymore. A wasted opportunity I guess, now Leif is gonna protect me 24/7. The bigger question is why did she side with Porky? Porky Minch of all people. I just hope this isn’t some big conspiracy. Otherwise, I’m in deep trouble.

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-+zzZZISSss+-

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It’s been an eventful day today.

First it was the news story about what happened in Onett, and now I almost got killed by my ex. My life was full of surprises.

But now, after being deceived by a nasty plot, I just came to expect these things. Easily tricked and almost got myself killed because of the fact. There was nothing to celebrate, and I guess this is how it is when the entire country wants your head for being so goddamn useless. I’m surprised that nobody’s busted through the window and put a bullet in between my eyes. It save me a lot of trouble doing it myself.

Part of me now wants to guilt trip Meryl. I’d go full out cliche and cut myself, send her a pic of my bleeding arm, and ask if her crude joke was still funny. She’d probably laugh. She’d probably see me as even more pathetic than what I am now. What happens next? She hooks up with that fat fuck named Porky Minch? He’d violate her, and then I’d be the one laughing. That’s messed up but that’s how it is.

Life’s cruel.

I splashed water onto my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. I was nobody special, unless you count a failure as being special. At this point, why do I even bother trying anymore? Why do I still live hoping that someday all of this could change? It’s never going to change. Eventually, Zack will kick me out of the house and then I get to rot in the streets. It’s fun dying knowing that everyone hates you.

Meryl should’ve killed me.

As much as I wanted too, I can’t go back and change the past. I picked up the same stained razor and observed it, rotating it in front of my eyes, then determining where I should cut today. Maybe down the length of my forearm. People always say down the road, not across the street. I punctured the razor near my wrist and cut the whole length of my forearm to the elbow joint. Blood seeped out, and old wounds have reopened slightly. I couldn’t feel pain anymore from doing this. I could cut up my entire body and not feel anything. I’ve cut every part of my body at one point or another. Maybe it’s time.

I opened the medicine cabinet, hoping to find the bottle of pills stashed inside. It was meant for the allergies that Chase always had in the Spring, but today it’s for Travis to kill himself. I surveyed the entire cabinet to no avail. Chase was still absent from the house, so there should be no reason why they’re missing. I guess suicide will have to wait.

I ripped off some toilet paper and wiped my arm off, then another piece to cover the wound. I went back into my room, intending to call it a day and go to sleep. Leif was laying on his bed, holding the bottle of pills with both hands.

“I knew you were going to do it.” He said. “But I don’t know if I could get through to you anymore.”

“What does that mean?”

“I-”

The toilet paper was soaked in red blood. Leif dismounted his bed and slowly removed it from my arm, revealing the sinful wound. It continued to bleed, although not as serious as before. He pulled out some medical bandages from the nightstand drawer and began wrapping it around my arm.

“Trav, why do you keep wanting to hurt yourself? I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you matter to me..?”

He teared the strand from the roll. He couldn’t stop staring. He squeezed in a few places, rubbed it in others. After one final gaze, he slowly wrapped his arms around it and pressed his body on me.

“Don’t do this to yourself… I love you Travis. Please, tell me what’s wrong. I wanna help.”

I gently pushed him away and shook my head. My dejected brother stared at me with worried eyes, leaking a tear out of his right one. He wiped it before taking another long gaze at me. Slowly, he crept up to me and wrapped his arms around my body. I don’t know why he wanted to help me so badly. I’m a lost cause, I keep telling him that and yet he persists. I desperately wanted him to stop. I didn’t want him to waste his time anymore. Maybe he needs to be yelled at, punished for doing this. His little heart can’t take that, he’ll just end up like me, even just skipping the five years and going straight for suicide. That’s the last thing I want. I owe him an explanation, but I’m not brave enough. I’m scared, scared that he’ll just give up.

I didn’t want him to give up.

Part of me wishes that he would just let it go, but the rest of me was happy to see to trying to help. He was so passionate about helping me. We’ve talked about this at one point, and he said that he wanted me to have the life that he never got to have. A happy, carefree life, filled with the thrill of adventure and the feeling of being love and cared for. I wanted that for him too. That’s the reason why I convinced my parents to adopt him in the first place. I’ve known Leif for as long as I could remember. I know he’s been abused all his life. I know he’s had no friends outside of me and Floyd. And until Floyd pointed it out to me, I didn’t know he was emotionally fragile. I have to watch what I say.

I rubbed his back. He wept silently, burying his face into my shoulder. All he could hope for is my happiness but even then, he’s still satisfied with me just being alive. He’s always relied on me, back from elementary school projects up to keeping his sanity in check. I know that every night, he prays that I’ll wake up tomorrow. I don’t want to, seeing how endless oblivion a more appealing alternative is than the sins of life. Yet I do want to wake up, to be able to be with Leif, one of the few good things in my life.

I walked him over to my bed and lie him down on the right side. I circled around and took up the other half of the bed. He covered us both with the sheets, then scooting closer to me pressing his head against my chest. I didn’t react in the slightest, only gazing at the barren ceiling above me.

“Travis…”

I didn’t turn and look at Leif. I kept my gaze at the ceiling.

“Please wake up tomorrow.”

I rubbed his head. “I will. I promise you.”


End file.
